cross-coutnry trip – The view from the edge of our empty nest.

Values We Teach Our Children

As parents, we strive to impress upon our children all the beliefs and values we think are important.

In general terms, they might sound like “work hard”, “be kind”, “do good”, “seek happiness”, and “be safe”.

When our children were minors under our direct care, we were sometimes very specific about the execution of these guidelines. “Get an education”. “Write a thank you note”. “Go to church”. “Go outside and play”. “Look both ways before you cross the street”.

Even in their adulthood, we find ourselves guiding them in some of the big life, big-ticket items. “Always save 15% for retirement”. “Tip well”. “Visit your grandmother”. “Don’t quit that job until you have another one you love more”. “Be sure to add roadside assistance to your car insurance policy”.

Ultimately, our children accept, reject, or re-invent our guidance to align with their developing value system. Sometimes it is hard to watch. It may not even be that they are doing anything inherently “wrong”, but rather that their steps may be different than what we had imagined decades ago when we held them in our arms as babies.

Sometimes they struggle or make choices we would not want them to make. Sometimes they amaze us with their insights and openness that belies anything we developed by that same age. It is a constant balancing act between the image of what we thought would be and how their lives would play out in front of us. Parenting never ends and it always challenges us to be better.

Lorne and Ben began sharing with us over the last couple of years that they had a desire, and eventually a plan, to incorporate more travel adventures into their lives. Great! We love travel and have always encouraged that in our children’s lives. But what Lorne and Ben have each planned individually is a string of choices that we never quite imagined for them.

Musician

Lorne works hard at a lower-than-he-would-like-paying job at a discount grocery store offering only a high-deductible health insurance plan. The years since high school have taught Lorne to be a master of a frugal budgeting lifestyle. He is largely self-taught in repairing and maintaining his old Toyota and a “project” motorcycle that has further honed his valuable skills.

The job has supported Lorne while he attended community college, where he recently completed his Certificate in Music Production and Audio Recording Technologies. At the same time, he has been enjoying playing in a band and expanding his network of music industry connections through a part-time job at a Baltimore live music venue. His long-term plan is to support himself through his passion for music and sound engineering. I have every confidence he will get there.

Healer

Ben led a more traditional path out of high school, through college, and into his first couple of jobs after graduation with a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology. He works in a field that assists clients with developmental disabilities. While he hasn’t felt like the work is the best fit for him, he has worked up to a supervisory-level position, with a growing income and decent benefits.

He has pursued side work through a Reiki Master certification, and with hard work, he managed to pay off all his educational debt and save a sizable sum by living an exceedingly simple and low-cost lifestyle rarely seen among adults his age. He has spent years considering his educational, geographic, and relational next steps and extensive work on self-exploration for the “bigger life plan”. I have every confidence in his steps.

Both young men have matured, explored, and grown through varied experiences. There are times, as parents, that we secretly try to will them in a certain direction (and sometimes when we are not so secretive about our efforts). Even if there is misplaced execution on our part, we are simply trying to help our children avoid pain and difficulty.

Their work and exploration have led them to each decide individually to take a trip. Lorne recently upgraded his motorcycle to a more long-distance-worthy bike. He stacked up PTO and fostered a good relationship with his manager so that he could take extended time off of work.

Ben considered many options before he tendered his resignation at work, and ended his apartment lease. He obtained a job as a live-in Christian camp employee as a transition into his travel adventure. He secured health coverage, and with his purposeful end of employment, he no longer had the restriction of limited PTO.

Both men saved and bought camping equipment and travel gear. They’ve taken steps to stay safe and keep loved ones informed. They scoured Reddit and joined online groups focused on similar travel to consider all aspects of their unique adventures. They put in the work.

Lorne will depart Baltimore in the 2nd week of July for a three-week cross-country motorcycle trip, his major goal being to touch the Pacific Ocean. Soon after, Ben will depart his summer camp job in his old but well-maintained Toyota Corolla and head in any direction that fits his needs. He has the means and expectation to end his travel when he is ready for his “next thing”. His trip could last a matter of months or could stretch up to a year.

The solo nature of their journeys is intentional. Their simple modes of transportation are also a purposeful choice, intended to provide texture to their travels. Their low-cost, open-ended plans are a choice as well.

They have asked all the questions and done all the research. They have enlisted the advice and insights of others. They have fully prepared and set realistic expectations of all that can go wrong, and all that can be amazing with such a journey.

They have doubted themselves along the way. Their nerves and excitement are palpable. They are proceeding on their great adventures of life.

Lorne and Ben are finding their way bravely, in ways uniquely theirs, with values reflective of their inherent goodness as young men. They have promising futures because of their ongoing choices. Their travels are just the start. I am so incredibly proud.