Calvin was born in 2011, the same year my husband died, but I didn’t meet Cal until 2014. Before I met him, his “job” was to be at my future husband’s side as he and his family transitioned through a post-divorce lifestyle, parent-child separation, and some very difficult experiences. To say these were some of our most challenging years in life cannot be overstated.
I met Calvin when my now-husband and I reunited and eventually married. That was ten years ago. We merged furniture, children, and pets into one household in 2015. What a mess that was! Remember the Brady Bunch? That was fiction.
Two of the kids were already adults and had moved on to early adulthood. Two of them visited us occasionally. Two of them lived with us full-time. We also combined our menagerie of three dogs and four cats into one living space. We have all learned a lot about how messy life can be.
Four years ago to the day, we moved into our fifth-wheel trailer and launched another life adventure, zigzagging across the United States. By this time, all the kids were grown and only two of our dogs and a cat remained (two other of our cats moved out with two of our kids).
These loyal pets have loved every mile of our adventures – the good ones and the bad ones. They adjusted to the changes and grew to adore the ever-changing scenery and smells. One of those pets was Calvin, and yesterday was the end of his journey with us. Calvin saw us through some of the worst and best of our life journeys. Yesterday evening, he went on to his next adventure. We share a faith of life everafter, so while he will rest forever in our hearts, we also know where he is for eternity. Ask me how I know…
Calvin’s journey was an adventure from beginning to end
Calvin Schmidt
December 26, 2011 – July 17, 2024
A perfect ball player, named after Cal Ripkin. A rescued puppy from a Bassett Hound mom and a mystery for a dad. The most handsome and smart dog we have ever known. Job well done. Go out and play ball!
Safe travels, and enjoy your messy life journey.
“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
–A. A. Milne / Winnie the Pooh.
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Jake and Calvin wishing they could ride in the truck bed
But they always loved riding in the cab
Ella poses with Cal
Calvin’s fur family – Jake and Millie
Taking a rest from their wrestling playtime
Not-so-happy times after a skunk visit
Jockeying for position
Standing at attention
Eager for a golf cart ride at Disney’s Fort Wilderness
Abby, Dad, Calvin, and Cape May
Did you say “snack”?
Stencil, Calvin, and Dad
Nap time in the camper
Lounging in what would be Calvin’s final “home” location in Loganville, PA
“Do you need your seat, Mom?”
I am tired, but still full of love
His favorite spot is right between us
Best friends
Jake and Cal spooned at nap time
My fav photo of the three brothers
Let us help you exercise, Mom
You have our undivided attention
Is that bird food for us?
A younger Lorne…and a younger Cal
Say “cheese”!
Why did he sit on the stairs like this?
Let’s GOOOOOOO!
Side-by-side campers
Let’s keep hiking
Sun god
Ella was his beloved “extra”
Waiting for Dad by the windowsill that he destroyed as a puppy
Fun in every season
He was my beach dog
His final week – peacefully contemplating a life well lived.
As parents, we strive to impress upon our children all the beliefs and values we think are important.
In general terms, they might sound like “work hard”, “be kind”, “do good”, “seek happiness”, and “be safe”.
When our children were minors under our direct care, we were sometimes very specific about the execution of these guidelines. “Get an education”. “Write a thank you note”. “Go to church”. “Go outside and play”. “Look both ways before you cross the street”.
Even in their adulthood, we find ourselves guiding them in some of the big life, big-ticket items. “Always save 15% for retirement”. “Tip well”. “Visit your grandmother”. “Don’t quit that job until you have another one you love more”. “Be sure to add roadside assistance to your car insurance policy”.
Ultimately, our children accept, reject, or re-invent our guidance to align with their developing value system. Sometimes it is hard to watch. It may not even be that they are doing anything inherently “wrong”, but rather that their steps may be different than what we had imagined decades ago when we held them in our arms as babies.
Sometimes they struggle or make choices we would not want them to make. Sometimes they amaze us with their insights and openness that belies anything we developed by that same age. It is a constant balancing act between the image of what we thought would be and how their lives would play out in front of us. Parenting never ends and it always challenges us to be better.
Lorne and Ben began sharing with us over the last couple of years that they had a desire, and eventually a plan, to incorporate more travel adventures into their lives. Great! We love travel and have always encouraged that in our children’s lives. But what Lorne and Ben have each planned individually is a string of choices that we never quite imagined for them.
Musician
Lorne works hard at a lower-than-he-would-like-paying job at a discount grocery store offering only a high-deductible health insurance plan. The years since high school have taught Lorne to be a master of a frugal budgeting lifestyle. He is largely self-taught in repairing and maintaining his old Toyota and a “project” motorcycle that has further honed his valuable skills.
The job has supported Lorne while he attended community college, where he recently completed his Certificate in Music Production and Audio Recording Technologies. At the same time, he has been enjoying playing in a band and expanding his network of music industry connections through a part-time job at a Baltimore live music venue. His long-term plan is to support himself through his passion for music and sound engineering. I have every confidence he will get there.
Healer
Ben led a more traditional path out of high school, through college, and into his first couple of jobs after graduation with a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology. He works in a field that assists clients with developmental disabilities. While he hasn’t felt like the work is the best fit for him, he has worked up to a supervisory-level position, with a growing income and decent benefits.
He has pursued side work through a Reiki Master certification, and with hard work, he managed to pay off all his educational debt and save a sizable sum by living an exceedingly simple and low-cost lifestyle rarely seen among adults his age. He has spent years considering his educational, geographic, and relational next steps and extensive work on self-exploration for the “bigger life plan”. I have every confidence in his steps.
Both young men have matured, explored, and grown through varied experiences. There are times, as parents, that we secretly try to will them in a certain direction (and sometimes when we are not so secretive about our efforts). Even if there is misplaced execution on our part, we are simply trying to help our children avoid pain and difficulty.
Their work and exploration have led them to each decide individually to take a trip. Lorne recently upgraded his motorcycle to a more long-distance-worthy bike. He stacked up PTO and fostered a good relationship with his manager so that he could take extended time off of work.
Ben considered many options before he tendered his resignation at work, and ended his apartment lease. He obtained a job as a live-in Christian camp employee as a transition into his travel adventure. He secured health coverage, and with his purposeful end of employment, he no longer had the restriction of limited PTO.
Both men saved and bought camping equipment and travel gear. They’ve taken steps to stay safe and keep loved ones informed. They scoured Reddit and joined online groups focused on similar travel to consider all aspects of their unique adventures. They put in the work.
Lorne will depart Baltimore in the 2nd week of July for a three-week cross-country motorcycle trip, his major goal being to touch the Pacific Ocean. Soon after, Ben will depart his summer camp job in his old but well-maintained Toyota Corolla and head in any direction that fits his needs. He has the means and expectation to end his travel when he is ready for his “next thing”. His trip could last a matter of months or could stretch up to a year.
The solo nature of their journeys is intentional. Their simple modes of transportation are also a purposeful choice, intended to provide texture to their travels. Their low-cost, open-ended plans are a choice as well.
They have asked all the questions and done all the research. They have enlisted the advice and insights of others. They have fully prepared and set realistic expectations of all that can go wrong, and all that can be amazing with such a journey.
They have doubted themselves along the way. Their nerves and excitement are palpable. They are proceeding on their great adventures of life.
Lorne and Ben are finding their way bravely, in ways uniquely theirs, with values reflective of their inherent goodness as young men. They have promising futures because of their ongoing choices. Their travels are just the start. I am so incredibly proud.
Work hard. Be kind. Do good. Seek happiness. Be safe.
YOU ARE LOVED.
Love, safe travels, and still don’t forget that retirement fund,
Mom/Bonus Mom
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A Hawaiian Ritual You Will Love, Right In The Heart Of A Cape May Sunset
The Unexpected Hawaiian Pu
Many things make Cape May County, NJ special. It is a great vacation destination at the southernmost tip of the state. It stands out with its historic Victorian architecture and gas street lights, its rich arts and music scene, and its wide open protected natural spaces. But there is a lesser-known special thing happening nearly every evening in the county – a traditional native Hawaiian Pu.
Kevin, The Conch Shell Guy
Kevin, The Conch Shell Guy
While my loved ones and I have been visiting and creating family traditions in Cape May County for more than two decades, there is another person with his own very special and unique local tradition. Since I first started taking walks at sunset on the beach on Fern Road in 2015, I have seen Kevin and his conch shell, and I love sharing his great story.
A beautiful beach housd by the bay in Cape May Beach, NJ
Our little beach cottage, Dreams Come True Cottage, is a Cape Cod-style home between the Villas and Town Bank in the Cape May Beach neighborhood. We are 387 steps from the dunes, and THE BEST thing about any visit to this part of Cape May County is the sunset. The sun sets daily over Delaware Bay, with quiet waves lapping against the sandy shores of the west side of the southernmost county of New Jersey. Forget the boardwalks, beach tags, and crowds of the ocean that sit only a few miles away. The bayside beaches are home to the best secret of Cape May County, and this is where Kevin performs his special tradition.
Kevin retired to the county and loved the area as well. Each day, on as many of the 365 days in the year as the weather will allow, Kevin walks to the water’s edge near Fern, Forest, and Hollywood Roads which all run parallel to each other and perpendicular to the beach, ending at sandy paths which lead to the water.
The Great Titan In The Wild
Gathering for The Pu
As the sun lowers each day, you see locals and visitors gather, some on foot and some setting up a blanket or chairs, all with a plan to stay for a spell. You may see children laughing in the distance up the beach north toward the Villas, and maybe some dogs romping along the water’s edge in the southern direction toward the Cape May ferry launch. But the small group that is gathering on this warm summer evening is here for the end-of-day ceremony performed by Kevin nearly every night of the year.
Except on the worst weather days of winter, there are only a few days that Kevin misses, and a few of his most loyal followers join for most sunsets as well. Kevin was trained and has embraced the ancient Hawaiian ritual of blowing on the Conch shell, also known as Pū, pronounced ‘poo’ in Hawaiian. The Pu is seen as a gift from the life-giving waters of the ocean, with a sound that flows across the ‘Aina (land).
The quiet ceremony that Kevin performs each evening is a deep part of Hawaiian culture. While he has performed for many ceremonies, including at the US Capital in Washington DC for dignitaries, what he does each sunset in Cape May Beach, NJ on the sand is a beautiful and respectful way to say goodbye and thanks (Mahalo) to the day.
His voice resonates, and he blows the Pu, taking a turn in each cardinal direction, North, South, East, and West to represent the coagulation of the powers of the na Akua or gods. He begins reciting the native language of respect. Blowing the Pu is a call to the divine and Kevin adheres to a protocol with specific sequence and timing. The blows symbolize the journey of the Ancient Hawaiians as well as our journey in eternal ways.
The Giant Tritan
Kevin’s giant Tritan was a gift from a sailor who found it on his way from Tahiti and Vanuatu islands in the South Pacific Ocean on his way up to Hawaii The shell was passed to someone in Hawaii who knew how great it would be for Kevin to use, and so it was sent to a place in Florida where the conch was tested for its instrumental quality, deemed beautiful, and then fitted with the brass ring mouthpiece.
The Best Sunset In Cape May
… is the one you don’t want to end
The paddleboarder and Kevin appear synchronized with each other and the sun.
The sun continues its fall below the horizon, about the same time that a stand-up paddleboarder crosses the water in front of the orange ball that is shimmering on the water. On many days, Kevin and the unnamed paddleboarder have their traditions synchronized. The ceremony ends, the conch is drawn down to Kevin’s side, and the beach feels immediately cooler and darker. We linger for a while, as do other visitors on this evening of many evenings, not wanting our day to end quite yet.
Providing a sense of peace, community, and appreciation for nature’s gifts, Kevin’s ancient daily ritual enriches the lives of visitors and neighbors in the Cape May Beach neighborhood of Lower Township, NJ. His respectful and enduring performance is impressive, and the contributions he makes to our visits and the end of our day are greatly appreciated. Thank you, Kevin. We will come back again and again in our shared love of this place. We hope to see you again soon.
Start a New Tradition In Cape May
…Visit Kevin The Conch Shell Guy.
The next time you find yourself in Cape May County, perhaps even staying as a guest at Dreams Come True Cottage, pay a visit to the beach at the end of Fern Road at sunset. Say “hello” to Kevin and his beautiful musical instrument.
Zanis – Schmidt Family Cape May Memories With Loved Ones Over The Decades
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The oldest girls, Addie and Christy near Fern Rd
Cape May with friends
Ella as a cutie pie
Ella as a gymnast
Dad and Lorne
Tina and Andrew – the next family iteration of Cape May memories
The beach with our adult kids
Tina and Adalie as a munchkin (she is now 28!)
Digging deep
Abby and Andrew at Cox Hall Creek
Another generation
All the sunsets are beloved
Yeah, this beach body is now in his mid-20s!
All the dogs over the years – this one is Bug
He doesn’t love the sand, but will always oblige my love for it.
Ben eating well on vacation
Waiting for The Pu – Abby and Dad
Kitchen Happy Hour at Dreams Come True Cottage
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We had an amazing summer of RV travel in the Pacific Northwest (PNW) states of Washington, Oregon, and northern California, but this story isn’t about that. The beauty of RVing is not always in the destination. Sometimes, you will find wonderful adventures to be discovered ON THE WAY. These unexpected, unplanned discoveries while you drive from Point A to Point B are sometimes some of the best memories. Here are two of ours:
Spamalot
While sitting in Florida in December 2021, we sold our first fifth-wheel RV to a couple from Minnesota, meeting them in early 2022 to complete the sale as we picked up our new fifth-wheel in Missouri. It was happenstance and perhaps good camping mojo that turned this business transaction into a new sort of long-distance friendship! So as we mapped out our planned PNW adventure a year later, it just made sense to reconnect with Bruce and Eva as we drove through their home state of Minnesota!
Bruce and Eva are gracious hosts and were eager to meet us in Ellendale, Minnesota for a couple of nights of camping. We spent some of that time hiking in a nature preserve, touring a historic home, and eating lunch at a local pub, but the very best thing we did was a visit to the SPAM Museum in Austin, Minnesota!
We never knew that a (free) SPAM museum existed, but eating SPAM was a childhood experience LONG preserved in our memories – much like the long preservation time of this curious “canned meat”. We remember it well! It was a convenient, affordable meat-on-the-shelf option for mothers of the post-WWII United States looking to feed their families. We had no ill-conceived notions that SPAM was a healthy choice for a meal or snack, but it certainly played a role in our childhoods of the 60s and 70s.
We entered the nostalgic museum, (the latest and greatest version of it was built in 2016), in cute little downtown Austin, and we were immediately taken back to a time when no one worried about nitrates and salt content in food. We were warmly welcomed and offered some free samples, which were being passed on trays by employees, like fancy hors d’oeuvres at a post-wedding cocktail hour. There were more flavors than we knew had ever existed, including bacon, hickory smoke, teriyaki, Tocino, and jalapeno. Some were cubed and warmed, some grilled, and all were different than the “original”, thinly sliced-and-fried version my momma had served me decades earlier.
As we wandered through the self-guided museum, we were met with SPAM facts and flavors that taught us of the worldwide fame of this ground, cooked, and canned 6-ingredient meat product. Most popular in Hawaii, it also has wide appeal in the Philippines, Hong Kong, and South Korea. The museum is unpretentious and has fun laughing about itself, even displaying SPAM musical instruments, a bacon-fueled motorcycle, and an entire display dedicated to Monty Python’s Spamalot. We spent the day giggling and reminiscing and even marveling unexpectedly at what this Hormel-owned mystery meat meant in our lives. Our visit ended in the gift shop where we couldn’t resist buying a 14-can variety pack of SPAM and a pair of pajama SPAM pants!
Spam will never be part of a heart-healthy dietary plan, but it is a very versatile “meat in moderation”, or the perfect item to place on a broke college student’s shopping list alongside ramen noodles, and single-ply toilet paper. It was a wonderfully silly and fun visit if you find yourself in the Austin, Minnesota area someday; wander into the worthy-of-an-adventure SPAM museum!
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But first, let’s find the perfect glass of whiskey
a lovely church, but we couldn’t see inside
…and a beautiful historic home to tour…
…the Hormel family home
yes, I’m that person who photographs old bathrooms
ahh, the wood!
…and the grandeur
NOW, onto the SPAM Museum
some SPAMmy silliness
Danke, Leavenworth!
Before you arrive at the picturesque and familiar images of the Pacific coast of Washington State, you must first drive through eastern and central Washington, where you will find a very different culture and topography. Smack in the middle of the state, as you cross over from the flat and desert-like lands in the eastern half of the state, you will see the approaching mountains. As you climb closer you will see Leavenworth, Washington, which looks and feels like you are driving into Bavaria, Germany! With an average of 80 inches of annual snow, and an average temperature of 60 degrees (an average high of 102.5 and an average low of 33.9), a visit to this town is a pleasant trickery of culture and fun!
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Scenes from Eastern and central WA
a lot of fruit…
..and views that we never expected in Washington
…and as per usual, TRAINS all over the western US
It was a beautiful drive all day
In the 1960s, the leaders of Leavenworth decided to embrace the mountainous views that are the backdrop to their town and modeled their street names and storefront facades after a little German ski town. It worked, and over time, they added German cultural events and businesses that further embraced a Deutschland flavor. Today, Leavenworth is a popular year-round tourist destination to explore a little German culture without any passport required. We were thrilled to discover it.
On our visit, we found our way to the Nutcracker Museum, which houses the most impressive collection of nutcrackers I’ve ever seen, with varieties large and small, historic and kitschy, depicting careers, sports teams, nationalities, lifestyles, and more.
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Soooo many
Star wars!
Awwww…
…and Peanuts!
We wandered to the town center where the streets were closed off to vehicles and were shaded by buildings with window boxes teeming with flowers. Oompah music emanated from in front of the gazebo while an elderly couple danced lovingly in the classic polka style. We visited the Boudreaux Cellars Tasting Room and sat at their outdoor seating, enjoying the warm afternoon sun, listening to the sounds of the village, and enjoying a delicious bottle of expensive but high-quality wine. We ended our visit with a traditional German-styled dinner of schnitzel, beer in a glass mug, and traditional live German accordion music and yodeling.
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A rainbow after the storm
Enjoying polka music and wine before a sudden rainstorm
A German-style dinner
Our visit to Leavenworth was our last stop on our ten-day trip from Pennsylvania before we scaled the mountainous overpass and saw the Pacific Ocean. It was quite a journey and it reinforced all the cliches meant to remind us to enjoy ourselves along the way. So – “enjoy the journey”, “enjoy the ride”, and be more like Verghese…
“Enjoy the journey, the destination will come.”
Verghese
“Though the road’s been rocky it sure feels good to me.”
Bob Marley
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Omne trium perfectum. A trio of Latin words to convey a simple overarching philosophy: “Everything that comes in threes is perfect”.
It was early in our camping-travel life that my husband and I heard of the camping “rule of threes”. Seasoned full-time RVers often tout the benefits of this rule: “Travel no more than 300 miles a day. Arrive at your campsite by 3 pm. Stay at least three nights.” It does a camper’s body good.
Similar “rules of three” can be seen all over life. If we learn a new word, we will notice that word three times in short order, thereby solidifying that word into our vocabulary. Even in death, much of humanity believes that the rule of three applies; when one person passes, two more are sure to follow shortly after that. Three is pervasive in fairytales (The Three Little Pigs, Goldilocks, and the Three Bears), and in figures of speech (“Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”, “Location, location, location”, ”Peace, love, and understanding”). The beliefs, superstitions, and use of the number three are pervasive.
Three is the smallest number required to establish a pattern, and there lies its power in many forms.
So it was when taking a mother-daughter trip to New York City the week after Thanksgiving, it was not surprising that we stumbled upon the phenomenon in our 28 ½ hours on the ground in Manhattan. It had been far too long since Adalie and I had visited the Big Apple, and about ten years since we had visited together, so we were anticipating a wonderful visit. Thanks in part, to the rule of threes, it was superb.
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We arrived at Penn Station mid-morning, mid-week, the impetus of our trip being a wish to see Josh Groban perform in Sweeney Todd. We found the most affordable hotel we could find in the Theatre District ($257!) with a desire to seek fun all within walking distance of the theatre. We also knew we wanted to enjoy a relaxing dinner at an as-yet-undetermined restaurant following the matinee show. That was it. Nothing else was planned except our 2:44 train ride back to Philadelphia and Harrisburg the following afternoon.
Amtrak to NYC was a great way to relax and catch up with each other without the stress and cost of driving and parking.
Once our feet hit the pavement, and our lungs took in the 30-degree air of Midtown, we smiled and remembered the exhilarating sights, sounds, and smells of the special city. We trekked the .9 miles to drop off our overnight bags at BeHome by LuxUrban (by Wyndham) and stepped right back outside to amble in the general direction of Rockefeller Center with the idea that we would visit some familiar and nostalgic places including graceful ice skaters, holiday-decorated storefronts, and a stop at St. Patrick’s Cathedral to light a candle.
Our little boutique hotel “lobby” was the basement level below the tiny nondescript front entrance, with a cool DIY NYC vibe.
ONE.
As we approached the area under the shadow of the Comcast Building at 30 Rockefeller Center (home of Top of the Rock), we noticed the stirring of activities. Some sort of special event was afoot. We saw portable crowd fencing being set up, the increased presence of police, enclosed tents, and equipment in various stages of setup. Adalie heard it first – singing that she thought might not just be a prerecorded soundtrack. It stood out subtly among the cacophony of sounds in the city, among them, the Salvation Army bell-ringers and the high-volume upbeat music of the jitney drivers. Curious, we followed the sound of the singing, and as we approached the ice rink, the singing ended and we heard a program announcer over the loudspeaker. The lilting, professional emcee voice rattled off names of the performers scheduled to appear in that evening’s televised “Christmas in Rockefeller Center”, including Barry Manilow, Cher, Katherine McPhee, and David Foster. WE had ambled upon the rehearsal of the annual tradition that culminates in the lighting of the beloved giant Christmas tree. Then, as we saddled up beside a black production tent, we heard a technician inside the tent giving instructions to the staff and performers preparing for the show. We then spotted Kelly Clarkson readying herself to sing another song! Over the next 20 minutes, we watched her sing, her band perform, and a flurry of production staff prepare for the show that night. We did not know the tree was scheduled to be lit that evening, and we had no idea that Kelly Clarkson was both a host and performer!
It felt like Kelly Clarkson rehearsed just for us!
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“Well, THAT certainly was an unexpected and unplanned thrill”, I said, as we wandered through the growing crowd, feeling like we had just won the lottery prize of a free concert. Adalie and I agreed that sometimes you get lucky if you just remain open to possibilities.
TWO.
We continued our visit to the places seared into our NYC memory banks from visits over a lifetime. We toured the venerable statues of St. Patrick’s Cathedral, listened to the massive organ play music, and lit candles with our quiet intentions. We found a few decorated storefronts and took in the holiday decor that was quickly popping up around the city. The Christmas season crowds seemed to be building as we walked each block.
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As we strolled down 5th Avenue, Adalie suddenly paused and turned as she noticed something out of the corner of her eye, down E 48th Street. Seeing the flags of both the United States and Sweden hanging outside a narrow building, she wondered out loud if it was the Swedish embassy (well, we quickly remembered that the Swedish embassy would be in Washington, D.C.). We decided to make a turn toward the building to investigate further, and we read the words “sveriges kyrka” on a sign. It was the Church of Sweden. Without hesitation, we excitedly entered the front door and saw that we were in the midst of a building under major renovation construction. But we also saw a sign that showed the way to the “Church of Sweden Cafe and Shop”. Down the stairs, over extension cords, and past sawdust-covered barricades we went. The signs led us to the church basement, and as we opened the final door, we were struck by the sounds of Christmas music, the smells of saffron and cinnamon, and the sights of Swedish goods stacked high on shelves that ran the full length of the little basement walls. In the center of the room were tables and chairs, decorated with porcelain dome-shaped votive candles, just like a special Swedish Nativity light I had at home among my cherished Christmas decorations.
The nondescript church entrance in a very narrow building.
It was our 2nd unexpected and special discovery in the city that never sleeps. Church volunteers were chattering in the open kitchen area, baking Swedish pastries like Swedish lussekatt, kanelbulle, and warming up Glogg, a mulled wine that we both remembered from our Swedish–heritage family Christmas gatherings. As first and second-generation daughters of a Swedish immigrant, this little church shop was a little Christmas miracle. We sipped our coffee and wine, shared a pastry, and were already speculating about what our THIRD unplanned adventure might be!
We bought some gifts and listened to the Christmas music, while the little hidden cafe bustled with about a dozen shoppers. Before we left, we waxed nostalgic about my late dad, who was Adalie’s morfar (Swedish for “mother’s father”), and took note of some of his favorite salted licorice, svenskjävlar (yes, you read that right) and Knäckebröd (a rye crispbread that we lovingly refer to as “Morfar’s cardboard”).
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Unplanned adventures one and two completed, we headed back to the brisk streets to allow fate to lead us to unexpected adventure THREE!
The afternoon performance of Sweeney Todd was sensational as expected. Beyond Josh Groban, the skill and artistry of the entire ensemble cast, orchestra, and crew met all our expectations. Dinner was a tasty Cuban food flavor bomb in a crowded and lively restaurant, Havana Central Times Square. With our simple planned itinerary complete (train, show, dinner), we walked the FIVE floors to our little cubicle-sized hotel room. We watched the pigeons perched outside our window and thought about how we would spend our final hours in NYC before it was time to walk to Penn Station.
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THREE.
In the morning, we pursued our shared love of books and bookstores, with a trip to the Drama Bookstore and Cafe for some morning browsing and caffeine. This store is accurately self-described as a quintessential New York Institution, founded in 1917. When the previous owner could not relocate the shop for the third time to dodge skyrocketing rent, it seemed that the shop was doomed to end its run like so many other small businesses, especially bookstores. In stepped long-time friends and patrons of the bookstore Thomas Kail and Lin-Manuel Miranda, along with Jeffrey Seller and James L. Nederlander. They purchased the store in 2020 to ensure the more than century-old tradition would continue.
The shop pays homage to twentieth-century European cafes and reading rooms, with its deep dark woods, dramatic artwork, and varied seating (designed by “Hamilton” scenic designer David Korins and his team). We chose the storefront window bar-styled seating to watch the morning garment district traffic pass us by while we chatted, drank some iced coffee, and intermittently browsed our way through the stacks. There was much to see in the little shop, including a display case with a special Tony Award to honor the shop, and what appeared to be a journal with carefully written notes and details for what may have been from the development of “Hamilton”, one of my absolute favorite shows.
As I perused the books and scripts all related to the theatre industry, I noticed a gentleman who was oddly familiar to me. He was dressed casually, had on a knit hat, was donning a mustache and goatee, and was looking at books on the shelf in front of him. I must have done a subtle double take and noticed another woman across the shop looking at him quizzically as well. I scanned the room for Adalie, in an attempt to share what felt like something that felt secretly special. He looked in my direction and then skirted off down some stairs that were roped off to customers. Huh…could that be? He seemed a little short. Wait, could that be Lin-Manuel Miranda?! Wanting to confirm, I Googled him and confirmed his height as 5’ 9” and finding Adalie, sputtered out the story of my brief encounter.
We were both cautiously excited, and I couldn’t stop looking toward the stairs. We decided that it was easiest to confirm with the friendly store clerk whom I had already chatted with earlier in our visit. I confirmed with him that the store was still privately owned by “those who had purchased it several years earlier”. “I promise that we are leaving shortly and won’t be crazy stalker ladies, but perhaps was that one of the owners that I saw here just a little while ago”? He responded quietly and affirmatively. “I KNEW IT!”, I exclaimed.
That was “three”! We didn’t plan to meet him, and it isn’t our style to accost celebrities, so it was an absolute thrill to simply know that I had seen him! He has such talent and has found great success in a competitive industry. The Rule of Threes had come through for us! Such a simple sighting of a talented creator and performer was the cherry on top of our 28 ½ hour mother-daughter train adventure to New York City!
We walked many miles in our remaining hours, taking a few wrong turns, taking in a few more sights, and finally sat in the Amtrak waiting area, exhausted, hungry, and thirsty. Happy to be headed home, we reflected upon our adventure and considered the “pattern” of great things that we had just experienced. They weren’t planned, and we did not seek them out, but we now know that the first, second, AND third times were the charm for this mother-daughter duo in New York City.
~ Safe travels and embrace the possibilities of the unexpected! ~
An unexpected Golden Retriever statue in the beautiful Nativity inside St. Patrick’s Cathedral.
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“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.”
RICHARD DAVID BACH
I am about to become a grandmother to a child with whom I share absolutely no DNA. As much as I have been interested in the cultural, ethnic, and genealogical lineage of who has come before me in my family tree, and I sometimes dream of what my children’s, children’s, children may be like, the lack of genetic connection I have to this little girl is absolutely irrelevant to me. She is my granddaughter. I am her grandmother. We are family. We haven’t even met.
Many little girls dream of the person they will marry and the family they will have, and I was no different. I always imagined creating a family of my own, beyond my parents and siblings. I saw a spouse. By the time I met my future spouse, I saw children. It all mattered a great deal to me.
But what I learned over many years, was that the WAY I would grow my family wouldn’t matter AT ALL. NOT. ONE. BIT. In reality, my family goes far beyond the little world I imagined as a child.
Each of us has a family tree that grows out of a lifelong series of our choices and from what happens to us. Its expansive branches are spread in varying and unexpected directions because of what may have seemed like chance, but in retrospect was perhaps fate. It sways and takes turns over time, the result of ever-changing relationships and friendships. A branch or entire span of the family tree is sometimes dramatically altered by marriages, divorces, and deaths.
Because of the imperfections and difficulties of life, family trees are sometimes ravaged, as if they were in a storm that left them damaged and broken. During these adversities, families must forever be changing and evolving as life unfolds. As with nature, our family tree can recover from the harshness of life, and grow stronger, wider, and taller as a result of the work we do to keep our families strong.
My family tree hasn’t been all that I thought it would be, but it certainly has become what I needed, what God planned for me, and it has enriched my life in unexpected ways. We continue to learn and grow, heal from damage and losses, and build up stronger. I’ve learned that my family is most successful and happy when each individual is actively nurturing their own personal healthy growth and together we build resilience that helps us all weather the difficulties that must be faced.
We must all actively nurture the growth our ourselves and our family.
Following a childhood as part of a loving family, teenage years filled with laughter, insecurity, and a broken heart, and some painful relationships and life lessons learned in my early twenties, the family that I imagined for my future was planned to include a husband and five children. Yes, my picket fence vision included a clapboard farmhouse with a wrap-around porch and carefully placed steps taken in my life that would help me avoid disappointment and pain, and would include a busy house full of happiness. The homestead would be a decades-long home base for our children, their friends, and eventually, our grandchildren. So much for “family planning” – my young sapling of a family tree was going to grow much differently than I had imagined.
“Together in our house, in the firelight, we are the world made small.”
Jennifer Donnelly
With my future husband and life partner found sooner than expected at age 22, we married and became a family when I was 26. It was early in our marriage that we experienced infertility and the first, painful splinter in our new family tree. We were faced with having very real conversations about remaining childless, adoption, fostering, and the rigors of infertility treatments. This was when I discovered that my husband didn’t want to pursue foster care or adoption, options of family-building that I had always been interested in but had perhaps been too quiet about sharing my thoughts on. It was a frightening time in our lives when these issues were rarely discussed and there was little guidance or professional support.
We made sacrifices and difficult decisions, and over the first ten years of our marriage, we grew a family that included the two of us, the birth of three children, and the adoption of a dog and a cat! It was not quite what either of us had envisioned but the experience taught us that our family is always changing and never quite “complete”.
Over the next ten years, the family tree we were growing changed in unique ways. Early on, we experienced new relationships with children through the Big Brothers/Big Sisters programs. It opened our hearts to other ways to welcome children into our family life. We added to our clan with the summer-long hosting of an international orphan whom we helped find a forever family through adoption. We also hosted three international students, from Mexico and Spain, each for a school year. These experiences taught us how enriched a family can be by welcoming unexpected or less traditional members to our family, even if it was only for a season of life.
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Over decades we rescued more pets that needed families, each with its own unique needs and differences. Some of our pets remained in our family for many years, and others were fleeting. Each pet family member taught us that we have much to give to others in need, but that the love that is returned can be immeasurable and unceasing.
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Among our extended family, there are longtime members welcomed through adoption that occurred in a time and place where this form of “family building” was done quietly and seldom discussed. By the time our children arrived, it had been a part of the fabric of our extended family, and so our young children thought nothing of it, perhaps not even being aware of it. It was a matter-of-fact existence that beautifully eroded any ideas about what a family must look like. With each addition to our widening branches, our family tree grew stronger roots and more lovely with each passing year.
“Take away all our possessions, and we are left with one structure held together by love: family.”
ANONYMOUS
As life is known to be difficult, there were divorces, deaths, and remarriages along the way that caused the growth of new branches in our family tree and further blended what our family looked like. It was many, many years before my children even understood that their paternal grandfather was technically their “step-grandfather”, as my husband’s parents were long divorced, his mother, long remarried, and his father, deceased years before we ever married.
“Pop and Nana love us” was all the children cared to know.
“Pop” loved all of his grandchildren immeasurably, and they felt that love. He had never had any biological children, yet enjoyed the gift of grandparenting without any worry about the history of life and how he arrived into this important role. All five of his grandchildren benefitted greatly from this little twist in our family tree branch – and it secretly taught me important future lessons for my life to come.
Friendship sometimes leads to so much more. In this case, Godparent – and forever part of our family, come what may.
Expanding our inner family circle, there were “Uncle Jerry” and “Uncle John” who were two members related to us only through the lifelong friendships formed between their dad and his best friends. “Uncle Jerry also became a Godparent to our son, adding another layer to the importance of the connection and the love that is shared between family members. It was many years into their childhoods before any of them asked us one day – “How is Uncle Jerry our uncle, actually”? This innocence of acceptance into our family was an important personification of the expansive definition of family.
Sometimes family can even be born of a help wanted advertisement in the newspaper. We think of it as a real God-moment.
Still, other family members spring up from quite unexpected places. In our family’s experience, the hiring of a part-time nanny turned into such a special relationship, that “our Bonnie” became a Godparent to our youngest child, a bonus mother to me, and her family tree branches became lovingly entangled with ours, celebrating shared holidays, attending birthday parties and visiting each other long after decades and miles had separated us.
These are perhaps the best examples of how we are fated to be in certain people’s lives, and making them a part of each other’s families is a blessed gift that enriches all of our lives.
Our family was most significantly and forcibly changed upon the death of my husband. That one tragic and sudden loss ended a marriage, broke innumerable hearts, and in many ways, tore away our community, our friends, and half of our family. Some of the changes were permanent, and some were temporary, but not one family relationship was left untouched, unharmed. This experience was a lesson in the more painful part of how Mother Nature can alter the very roots of a family tree as it grows, bringing it to the brink of death.
During those most difficult years, the changes we faced were seemingly relentless as I held my core family – my three children – as close as our broken hearts could muster. We struggled individually and collectively. We moved back to my home state. I changed my work more than once. The kids changed schools more than once. We all lost and made friends. We just held on tight for about ten years before the dust seemed to slowly settle on our family.
It was during this time, after 4½ years of parenting on my own, I remarried and immediately faced building up another significant change – adding a loving husband, three “bonus” children, and an entirely new set of in-laws, relatives, and friends to my storm-ravaged family tree.
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Mom and my future FIL #2
The Holmstrom family grows by one…
International family…
The neighborhood family – Holmstrom – Dottavio – Price – Piscitelli and more…
The family members I will likely love the longest…
My future 2nd FIL and my beloved Aunt Mimi
Family lost and loved
Family friendships of the past become my family of the future
Best friends make great family
Auntie love
Luke 12:34 – For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.re
Cousin love
Before the storm…
Holding on tight through the hardest years…
Welcoming new cousins
“Love is the way back into Eden. It is the way back to life.” ― Francine Rivers
Life Part 2 begins and the family tree spans generations
Brady bunch – not! But still pretty awesome.
In-law family – Life part 2
Family evolution
Amazing bonus kids
Sharing our lives and loves
Celebrating with new family members members
Best girlfriend (AKA sister) and best boy (AKA Lorne)
Cousin and sibling love across the century!
So here I am, 56 years into my family life. I am a member of the Holmstrom-Zanis-Schmidt family, which is a part of the larger and ever-changing Heming-Mitchell-Pillo-Fyhr-Fischer-Magee-Tress families. At times, we sprinkled in many others – some Piscitelli-Simmons-Wajert-Fernandez-Peniche-Tepe-Leonard-Lazovi-Spieles-Rohlfs members among them. Top it all off with love, caring, and years of relationships that are coming, growing, and going, and we end up with a family tree that has survived and thrived through the best and worst that life throws at us.
Love can bring us back to a family position of strength, beauty and happiness.
How it looks doesn’t matter. How you name it doesn’t matter. Even the duration of their stay in our family doesn’t matter. Certainly, the DNA doesn’t matter. Some we inherit, some we choose, and some we are fated to enjoin. Ultimately, how we got here doesn’t matter. All that matters is the work we put into our family tree every day. It is our effort, the love and care we share. We must nurture our tree with water and sun over time and it will grow larger and stronger and more beautifully rich.
May my granddaughter, the daughter of my oldest bonus daughter and son-in-love, and all grandchildren that I may be blessed with beyond today, know the tremendous love of their family. May they feel welcomed and wanted unconditionally throughout their lives, as their own family tree grows from the humble origins of their parents. May they learn that family is certainly what you are given at birth and grows imperfectly as life unfolds, but that what matters most is the love within. I love my family tree and welcome the gift of my new granddaughter to sit and nest among its branches.
A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
George Bernard Shaw
Safe travels, and go hug a (family) tree!
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When things go wrong (and they will), what are ya gonna do?!?
We’ve always said full-time RV travel is our happily-chosen lifestyle, but it will not be forever. Nothing in life lasts forever, actually, so this unique living arrangement would be no different. We have been “on the road” since July 2020, and we went into this joking that it will go well and take any number of years to complete our adventure, or it will last for only six weeks before we decide we’ve had enough of living in 310 square feet of space together!
There is a romance about full-time travel, and generally, when we tell people that we are full-time RVers traveling North America, we are usually met with smiles and an expression of “Wow, I’ve always dreamed about doing that”! These types of comments are often followed by a smattering of questions about “how” we do it!
Since we recently took a break from the road and have subsequently and happily returned to full-time travel, I thought it might be a good time to share some TRICKS AND TRUTHS for FT RV living that might help others that are considering this adventurous lifestyle.
TRUTH: FT RV travel is not a perpetual vacation. There is still all of “real life” to face. So go into it with realistic expectations and know that life’s problems will follow you on the road…and even then, it can be awesome!
Periodically we reassess and check in with each other to see how each is fairing with limited personal space, limited hot water, limited storage, and nearly 100% “together time”. As anyone might imagine, it can be GREAT – and other times, it can be TIGHT. After one full year on the road, we assessed our situation and still couldn’t see the end in sight, so we doubled down and bought a new RV that was a bit more conducive to the long haul, selling our “old faithful” rig, Desi, at the peak of the market, making the justification a bit less costly and painful.
(Yep – A Star Wars TRICK)
TRICK: Check in periodically with yourself and if applicable, your partner, to see how you feel about your nomadic lifestyle. Adjust to meet changing interests and goals. Keep an open mind about what RVing can look like, as there are MANY ways to enjoy life!
After two-and-a-half-years of travel, we were faced with another assessment, In 2022 we had limited our journey to a four-state region around our family base in Maryland and Pennsylvania for about nine months because of a series of family weddings and graduations, and our wanderlust (mine, mainly) was soaring and aching for the road again. Then it finally happened. We had a breakdown that caused us to think about taking a break from the road.
As we left Rodanthe, NC, and Camp Hatteras RV Resort just before Christmas, we had a problem with one of our Schwintek slides on our 2022 Grand Design Solitude 346fls. These electric slides are notorious for getting “out of sync” with their paired motors, and in our case, one side of the slide-out became over-torqued and pulled away some of the RV sidewall trim as the slide tried to fully close. This resulted in some broken screws and minor damage to the side of the RV.
Better that this happened two months BEFORE our warranty ended instead of two months AFTER.
Finding a way to repair RVs in this post-Covid economy has become challenging. Even before Covid, it wasn’t unusual for RV dealers complete warranty work only on RVs that they sold to their own customers. So as we drove from Rodanthe, NC to our Christmas destination of Gettysburg, PA, I called nearly every RV dealer in a four-state radius of Pennsylvania that sells Grand Design rigs to secure an appointment.
Not only do dealers not want to do WARRANTY work if we didn’t buy it from them, but most of those we spoke to also weren’t currently doing ANY KIND OF WORK on RVs that hadn’t been purchased from them. Fortunately, we found ONE – shout out to Tom Schaeffer’s RV in Shoemakersville, PA, which was also within a couple of hours of us. We would have to wait three weeks for the appointment, but they were very happy to accept our business.
TRUTH: Expect things to break down – both big and small, and try to roll with it. Expect those breakdowns to have a bigger impact on your daily living than in your “foundation house”. Repairs take longer, are often more inconvenient, and usually cost more as well. The more you can fix yourself, the more peaceful your RV life will be.
We knew that finding a way to repair this warranty-covered item would be challenging, and indeed it was. With our appointment secured, and further use of our slide-out risking more damage, we decided that our best course of action was to head to “sticks-and-bricks” living while we waited for the repair appointment, since not using our slide-out for weeks would cramp our bedroom more than we were interested.
We also decided to use this needed repair as a time to take care of lingering problems we wanted to have resolved before our warranty coverage expired the following month. So we winterized our home on wheels and dropped her off at Tom Schaeffer’s RV in Shoemakersville, PA on January 4th.
The “peace of mind” from a warranty comes with hassles and “hoop jumping”.
TRICK: If you have a warranty, use it strategically. If you don’t, don’t fret. If you need to make a warranty claim on your RV, document and communicate clearly when repairs are needed. Report issues as they occur, even if you “save up” the repairs for a later repair date. Note dates, times, and important information at every step, as getting efficient, capable, and timely service is a real challenge. If your RV is used and no longer has a manufacturer’s warranty, we suggest not bothering with purchasing an extended warranty. Instead, build up an emergency fund for unexpected (but expected) repairs.
Fortunately for us, we had a place to go while our RV waited for some TLC. Part of what helps fund our full-time RVing lifestyle is a small business I run – managing two vacation rentals that I began in 2012 and 2015. January is the slowest month of the year for our rentals, so we were off to our “foundation home” in Cape May Beach, New Jersey, for sticks and bricks living. (Shameless plug: DreamsComeTrueCottage.com).
Dreams Come True Cottage – Cape May Beach, New JerseyJust 387 steps from door to dunes, and the best sunsets around!
TRICK: Have a short-term and long-term exit strategy. Options include maintaining a primary home, identifying a friend or family member with space, or acquiring land upon which you can “park it” for a while. In our case, short-term rentals give us storage for personal items and a short-term place to stay when needed. If it is during our busy rental season, we can park our rig on family property for a bit of “moochdocking” (dry camping in my brother and sister-in-law’s backyard!).
As a short-term rental owner, it is important to be on-site regularly to inspect the property for minor repairs, complete maintenance work, and plan future projects, making small improvements along the way. So this visit was a fortuitous result of our RV breakdown. While at our beach house, we prepared for some late winter renovations, making all the product selections and purchases needed for a bathroom renovation, and completed a long list of to-do list items from replacing our mailbox, to freshening up our linens, replacing some furniture, organizing closets, ordering replacement board-game pieces, posting instructions for use of various amenities, and even digitizing our guest guidebook.
When the designated appointment came for our RV, we were delivered our next surprising blow – our slide-out problem was more than just the notorious “out-of-sync” problem and we now needed to wait for parts – another 6 – 8 weeks in this post-Covid world of supply-chain issues. So we hunkered down for the long haul and focused on all the opportunities waiting for our attention at our short-term vacation rentals.
Be flexible when things go wrong.
TRUTH: Things never quite go as planned (in RV life or “real life”, so allow for flexibility in your travels. You will enjoy the journey more when you can bend with the realities of the life you must face.
We stayed at Dreams Come True Cottage for nearly two months, working nearly every day, and sprinkling in some fun along the way to enjoy our home away from home. We enjoyed some restaurants, walked the sandy shores, hosted visits from a couple of our children, and saw some of the local sights, including the Cape May County Zoo and the Cape May – Lewes Ferry. We routinely visited antique and thrift shops, and enjoyed the full-sized amenities and improved water pressure!
As the planned bathroom renovation was set to begin, we moved from the Jersey Shore to rural Pennsylvania with a visit to our other vacation rental (Shameless plug #2: CloversCottage.com). We did more of the same at our second rental and again, sprinkled our visit with friends and family, visits to the farm market, the movies, and for me, many, MANY warm baths in the antique cast-iron clawfoot tub! Ahh, the things I do miss during RV travel!
Like clockwork, the parts arrived as expected, our warranty work was completed, and our beloved “mobile home” was ready for pickup after 11 weeks of “foundation living”. It was unplanned but was really for the best. We had nearly all of our warranty work completed, and we were able to end our “winter camping” sooner than expected – a welcomed change in plans.
We were fortunate that our breakdown happened in the worst of winter when I was tired of the cold (we were staying in PA/MD intentionally over the holidays to be near our families this year). Our vacay rentals were unrented and therefore available to us and we were long overdue for a bigger visit to both properties. The break from the road turned out to be just what the RV gods knew we needed!
Pivot as needed and you might find a new itinerary you like more!
TRUTH: When something goes awry and your travel is interrupted, it may just work out to be for the better! When your travels are interrupted, the very fact that you travel full-time means that you can usually put a little “pivot”in your itinerary. Try to take it in stride – and you may just discover some really great “upsides” to your “side-trip”!
Our itinerary “pivot” resulted in a visit with some of our “kids” to the Cape May County Zoo!
We will soon be ending our season-of-not-really-going-far with a repaired and beautiful rig, grateful hearts, and a welcome to warmer weather in North Carolina just in time for Easter! We leave you, wishing you safe travels and one more “trick” for successful nomadic living:
TRICK: If RV travel is on your life’s bucket list, create a way to DO IT! Plan, save, sacrifice, and work hard. Live debt-free and set specific goals to achieve your dream. This lifestyle is an amazing journey, even through the trials and tribulations of “real life”!
~~~~~
If you would like a getaway at one of our short-term vacation rentals, mention that you heard about us here on our blog and you will receive our “friends and family” discount! CloversCottage.com and DreamsComeTrueCottage.com are waiting for you!
Safe travels, and always keep an RVing trick up your sleeve!
Our unexpected “beach trip” in the middle of winter was a really nice derailment of our original plans!
“How many feelings can one heart hold?… Infinite, Luna thought. The way the universe is infinite. It is light and dark and endless motion; it is space and time, and space within space, and time within time. And she knew: there is no limit to what the heart can carry.”
This Newberry Medal winning children's book is on my "to-read" list simply because of this beautiful quote.
Today, my dear, sweet husband and I had a special day celebrating Valentine’s Day. As Valentine’s Day is known as a day of celebration for lovers, we made sure we checked off all the boxes today. This day has never been a “huge deal” to me, as it always seemed perhaps a day of love for those that need urging to buy chocolates and flowers or write out a sweet card for their lover. It seems obligatory and contrived – a Hallmark holiday for “amateurs”.
Instead, I like to think of today as one of spending some simple and special time together, counting blessings, because after all, aren’t all our blessings rooted in love? We decided to jump on the Cape May – Lewes Ferry for a day trip from our beach house in Cape May Beach, New Jersey to Lewes, Delaware! We boarded our special “love boat” mid-morning, where it is docked at the terminal just a couple miles from our house.
It was a beautiful day, so we explored each of the three decks, inside and outside, chatted with fellow travelers, and enjoyed a snack and drink together in the February sunshine. As we lingered at the back of the ferry, we watched the many seagulls swarming, swooping, and “windsurfing” the airflow that followed the vessel. They chirped their happy bird calls, coasted gracefully, and seemed content, just as we were, standing arm-in-arm to keep warm from the wind of travel. It was a lovely start to a special Valentine’s Day, exploring a little town and the many loves in our lives.
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We disembarked the ferry and drove a few minutes into town. It was our plan to walk the streets of the little historic town and enjoy each other’s company. We would visit the shops, gathering up some hand-holding time as we went along. We found a bakery, an antique shop, a used book store, vintage records and gifts, a pet-centric shop, an art gallery, and much more.
The shops and restaurants of Lewes, DE made for a great day trip.
As we strolled the brick sidewalks, we shared Valentine’s Day greetings with store employees, fellow visitors, and even an art student painting in oil. We visited with the “shop dog” resting in the doorway of one store, and happily accepted one shopkeeper’s gift of chocolate candy to celebrate the day. We found a delicious and quaint Italian restaurant for a late lunch and bought some flavored roasted coffee, some dessert to go home, and some other little treasures.
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Touch of Italy was a worthy stop!
This is how the “soup’s made” – both caffeinated and decaf.
Many, MANY flavors at Notting Hill Cofee Brewery and Bakery
A classic and tiny Italian deli with many visitors even in the middle of winter
A late and lovely lunch
A streetside shop – this one for lunch
/worth a visit
As the afternoon sun began lingering lower in the sky, we embarked on the ferry once more and settled in some comfortable seats to complete our little, simple, love adventure. Suddenly, Andy noticed that the motor on the ferry had slowed and our chugging movement across the water was ceasing. Andy thought that perhaps the captain slowed our course because of whales in the area (they had announced sightings earlier in the day). We made our way to the railing at the front of the ferry and there, closer than I imagined it would be, was a whale, showing off for all of us on board.
Amid oohs and aahs, the spout of water could be seen and heard several times. The fin on the back rose in an arch in the water, quickly followed by the flipping and receding tail that followed the beast’s body back into the bay. This little show continued sporadically and fleetingly several times before the magic show of Mother Nature ended and swam back out of our sight. It was spectacular, and I clapped while other travelers quietly cheered, all of us expressing gratitude for the experience. It was as if that whale was sending us his Valentine’s Day love to us all, punctuating the day with a grand finale.
Not our photo (thanks, Pixabay), but this is just about right!
~~~~
Today was the perfect way to walk and chat, tease, plan, cuddle, and dream. Sure, there were flowers and a greeting card, but that isn’t what we found ourselves happy about, for it isn’t at all about the Hallmark “holiday”. Instead, it is the way our lives are filled with so much love. We have each other, a tremendous feat in its own right, but there is so much more love to be discovered with each passing year.
Today we texted or spoke with all six of our kids because they certainly crowd the very top of our list of blessings. We gave messages of love to our mothers whom we are still blessed to have with us and thought quietly of our fathers whom we have loved and lost. These important people were the origin of our love experience and must always be acknowledged on such a love-centric day. I sent good wishes to my living siblings, who will likely be the longest loving relationships I will know in my life, and sent a silent hug and hello to all of our lost loves – grandparents, fathers, aunts, uncle, spouse, sibling – because love is eternal.
We keep our loved ones “near us” – wherever we go!
Far above and beyond all of these blessings of love, there was one tiny Valentine’s treat that was newly treasured by us this year but already has the power to outshine all the others. We have a new, miraculous love in our lives, and it grows larger and stronger every day. As we browsed the used book store, we were reminded of this fresh love in the children’s book section. As we found our seats on the ferry, we felt the pangs of this new love as we watched parents with their weeks-old child. When we strolled and planned our coming travels, we talked about how different life would feel this summer when our hearts were divided yet again by miles of separation from our new love…Because this Valentine’s Day is our first as expectant grandparents!
There is a life growing right now – a little baby girl that we already love immensely and want to know more fully, and yet, we have not yet met. Despite it all, she is our treasure, our future, She is the very definition of the capacity of ever-growing love.
All of the activities of the day played a role in highlighting the importance of reflection. On these special days, I choose to count our blessings and reacquaint myself with the many people and things that give and receive love in my life. I need to sift through them all, smile about them, share them with others, and keep them well. It is when we are good stewards of our gifts of love that we make room for the new and growing love God sends our way.
Little girl, Pop-Pop, and Mormor thought of you a lot today, and we cannot wait to tell you just how much we love you. We will share with you all that we know and love – good food sprinkled with a little shopping, strolls hand-in-hand on a sunny day and rides on the “love boat” to say hello to the gulls and the whales. There is always room for more love in life – you are proof of that – and for me, today was no different. Happy Valentine’s Day, my Sweet.
Safe travels, and may your love grow more lovely each passing year.
Love birds on our “love boat” – Jersey style!
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In the book of Psalms, David writes in chapter 139 verses 13 and 14:
“For it was You who created my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.I will praise You because I have been fearfully and wonderfully made”.
The names and locations of the following retold experience have been changed to protect the innocent - and the guilty.
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In many Christian, often non-denominational churches that we visit in our RV travels, they call it “the message”, but in my church experience, I know this part of the church service as the homily, or if not in a Catholic church, the sermon. If done well, it is generally my favorite part of any church service or Mass, perhaps competing only with the music for my favor. But what made this little campground chapel in this little Carolina town where we have camped, so special, is the pastor.
In the half dozen services we have attended while at this campground, Pastor Pete has consistently impressed me with his skilled oratory and positive, meaningful messages, always leaving me to face the rest of my Sunday feeling joyous and inspired. His voice reminds me of Tom Bodett of Motel 6 (“we’ll leave the light on”); it is deep, soothing, and kind. It is a voice you can trust and follow eagerly.
At one of our visits, the message was about what he called “Superdads”. It was Father’s Day, and the pastor wanted to recognize the Superdads in the room. “The world needs more Superdads. There aren’t enough of them, and the world would be a far better place if there were more of them”, he began. “If you are a dad that works hard and also spends time with your children, you are a Superdad. If you have been saved and are here with your family at church, you are a Superdad. The world is in need of more great fathers – and children need better guidance”, he shared in the opening of his message.
As often happens in a sermon, the pastor then transitions into a relatable story or joke, as a clever way to segue gently into the core of their message, by way of an easy-to-understand “real world” example. Pastor Pete did just that, and he went on to tell a joke about a man that he and a friend had encountered.
As best as I can recall the joke, the pastor recounted how he and a friend noticed a man in the distance wearing a skirt, and with his long hair up in a bun. Pastor Pete jokingly told the friend that he was going to take up a collection for his friend so that he might be able to dress that way at their next school reunion. Pause for chuckles…
“That is where this world is going,” Pastor Pete said following the completion of his transitional humor, with what I could only infer was a negative connotation. I understood him to mean that the world is becoming a worse place, for fathers and children and all others, because somehow that man with the skirt and bun represents something bad or negative – perhaps even sinful or evil.
The intent of his “joke” was clear – he disagreed with the man’s appearance, judged him for it, and placed the world’s failures squarely on “problems like these”. It was a sign to Pastor Pete of world failings.
He had hit a nerve with me. I instinctively whispered to my husband, “I’m not gonna sit here and listen to this”. I stood up and quietly walked out of the back of the chapel, trying to be discreet. I was immediately sad and disappointed. I suddenly felt less welcomed because of how his joke had landed on me.
I have no doubt that Pastor Pete moved on quickly from his opening attempt at humor. The rest of the message was likely well-written, well-spoken, inspiring, and pleasant, but I don’t know because I was already walking back to our campsite. As I walked, I was trying to reconcile my feelings about the man whose words I had quickly grown to enjoy, with the thoughtless joke he made at the expense of a stranger that dressed perhaps unconventionally.
What were the possibilities, I wondered to myself as I took deep breaths and tried to set a walking pace that calmed me down instead of spinning me into anger? Was the skirted person a transgender female? Or could he be a feminine male or non-binary who was comfortable displaying traditionally feminine characteristics? I imagined the many possibilities. Aw heck, the skirted man might have been in drag on his way to work as an actor in the musical show La Cage aux Folles! Or he could have even been a Scottish bagpiper, replete with a traditional kilt, taking an afternoon stroll! We will never know, and no doubt Pastor Pete didn’t know either. He was just there to judge and comment on his disapproval of the scene.
A 2022 Gallup poll concluded that 7.1% of adult Americans identified as LGBT1. Studies from several nations, including the U.S., conducted at varying time periods, have produced a statistical range of 1.2 to 6.8 percent of the adult population identifying as LGBT. So in that little chapel of perhaps 40 men, women, and children, the statistical likelihood that I was not the only person in the room “put off” by Pastor Pete’s comment was very high.
Granted, we were in the southern part of the U.S., where perhaps allies in support of LGBTQ equality are slower to grow, but the world has come a long way in just one generation, and much farther over several recent generations, so chances are strong that there was the mother of a gay son in the row near us, or an uncle of a transgender niece, or a child that already feels like something is different in a world that told them they were born female, yet they have always believed that wasn’t right. There may have been a secretly gay woman sitting in the room, beside her unaware husband and children, or as in my own world, a person with a brother that struggled most of his life with depression, alcoholism, and eventually homelessness ending in suicide – with deeply secreted gender dysphoria at the root of his pain.
The point is, there are those touched by LGBTQ all over society, and those that identify as such would never choose to go through such challenges. It is simply who they are and how God made them. Many of them suffer every day, mostly invisibly, silently, because of people like Pastor Pete and many others. Sometimes the pain is unintentionally inflicted; sometimes it is absolutely purposely cruel.
If you, in 2022, are still believing that being gay is a choice, or that being transgender is deviance, it is time to begin some exploration, and self-education and see the possibility that you might just have more to learn. If you were raised by parents, or in a community, or as part of a church to believe that there is something “wrong” or “sinful” with those that identify as LGBTQ, please know that they were wrong in their teaching, and it is now time to become a little more aware of the entire spectrum of human existence.
Don’t be afraid to seek out others that may have a different belief system than you. We do not grow if we do not expand our personal borders. Find the allies out there that can share their experiences and help you learn what it is like being LGBTQ or caring about someone who is.
But most importantly, if you think yourself a good and loving human being, even if you never change your belief system about the “cause” and myriad struggles of LGBTQ people, please at least be respectful and kind. Stop hurting them, their families, and their loved ones – even the subtle unintended pain you cause. Make an effort to use vocabulary that is not offensive, try to honor their “pronouns”, and try to find and express love and mutual respect for others, even if you do not understand or agree with how they may look or sound, love, or identify.
“Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, And they bless you, the giver.”
Give yourself permission to allow this moment to be exactly as it is, and allow yourself to be exactly as you are.
Jon Kabat-Zinn
Today I acknowledge that it has been 30 years since I was first married – and I have gratitude for every year since that first day.
My younger brother, Mike, is ready to “take me to the church on time”. Jan 2, 1993
Dave and I married on January 2, 1993, when we were 28 and 26 years old, respectively, meeting only months after I graduated from college and after dating for nearly four years. We had plans for children, to complete our graduate degrees, to grow our careers, and to make our historic-yet-dilapidated, recently-purchased house a home. We had just become part of a friendly community and church in Chester County, Pennsylvania, and our careers were growing successfully. These were our plans.
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Although it has been said by many people over the years, it is John Lennon’s 1980 song, “Beautiful Boy” that best describes what I eventually discovered:
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”.
When we married, it was a life lesson that I had not yet learned. Instead, I had spent the better part of my life up until then, believing wholeheartedly that I could create my life just how I had planned it! As long as I worked hard, was cautious, if I researched, and made all the right choices, I believed I could create just the life I wanted.
Dave was less of a “firm planner” than me, and more of a “dreamer with a plan”, and that made us a great team. He always had at least a half dozen options that he was working on in life and laid them out before me as if it was one of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” stories, where you make different selections as you read the book and are able to change the storyline as you went along.
Our skills and personalities were complementary. We were both hard workers, tenacious, and diligent in achieving goals. Dave found it easier to see the many options we could consider. He helped me see how our life could be exciting and fulfilling and good no matter which options we selected. I was skilled at executing a plan’s details. So once we selected a direction for our life together, I helped him take our plan to fruition, saving, organizing, and tying it up in a nice bow so that we could have a beautiful life.
The life we built together was indeed beautiful, and while many of those early goals were achieved, they looked uniquely and wonderfully different from what we initially worked for in our 20s. We did have children, but only after years of struggles with infertility, which then also caused us to modify our direction and make some difficult and imperfect choices along the way.
We did make our run-down fixer-upper of a home quite nice and did nearly all the work on our own and with the help of family and friends, but we only lived in it for five years before using it as a residential rental. We perhaps recognized that there was another community and church out there for us to love even more, now that we were parents – and there was. We moved to Schuylkill County, Pennsylvania, where Dave had grown up and where we planned to stay.
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Our first home, Coatesville, PA
Our Lady Of Consolation, Parkesburg, PA
Home, Pottsville, PA
St. John The Baptist Church, Pottsville, PA
We completed our graduate degrees, and Dave went on to complete his Ph.D. as well, and doing so opened up exactly the career progress we had planned for. But parenthood stirred new ideas and feelings in our hearts, and before long, my full-time professional career in healthcare IT turned toward being a mother, a home economist, a family manager, a community volunteer, and a very part-time employee, all of which I had never planned for, but desired oh, so much by the time we made the changes.
Dave changed universities more than once to provide long-term support for our children’s future educations, to be affiliated with schools that would best support his research in addiction treatment, and to have employers that complemented the goals he had in a non-profit we co-founded to aid our community and the surrounding region.
As life unfolded, the plans clearly changed with it. Decades after meeting each other, we built a life that was rewarding, fulfilling, and happy. Our focus had long ago shifted away from ourselves and toward the life we were creating for our three children. Every decision made was made with their futures in mind, with their intended happiness at its core.
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The plans we made were our best efforts in controlling what was largely uncontrollable. Ultimately the plans we made needed to adjust much more than either of us ever wanted – God’s plan for us was what we had yet to discover. After 18 years of marriage, planning, adjusting, and building a life with my beloved husband, he died suddenly, leaving me and our three children to go on without him. I was 44. Adalie was 14. Lorne was 11. Ella was 9. This was NEVER what I had planned.
Our final family photo, taken days before Dave’s death.
~~~
Making sense of it all came from leaning into my faith, which had grown steadily throughout our marriage. With unceasing prayer, hours spent alone in the Perpetual Adoration chapel, joining bible study groups, attending Mass or other church events, and with the loving support of my family and a very good therapist, I very slowly pulled through the darkest, and bit-by-bit began to understand.
My life had been planned in its entirety, and yet here I was, facing an existence that I had never wished for or even foresaw. Reliance upon my faith taught me about Proverbs 16:9 – “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps”. This message and so many others in God’s word resonated differently with me as a widow. I devoured the lessons that would heal my brokenness and help me understand the purpose of our suffering.
The words do not mean that God intended harm upon my family. He doesn’t want us to be in pain. But He does have a specific intention for each of our lives, and as my life unfolds, each step gets me closer to God’s desires for me.
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21
Laura Story released a song entitled “Blessings” in 2011, weeks before Dave died. The lyrics were an eloquent way of helping me understand how the trials of our lives are God’s hidden mercies. The song hit number one on the music charts right as I needed to hear the words and remained on the charts for most of 2011. To further paraphrase the lyrics, I learned that there are many blessings amongst the raindrops of life and we can be healed by working through our pain and tears. It took those years of loss and loneliness and fear to slowly use my faith as a tool to thrive once again. Eventually, I was reminded that love is always at the center of God’s intentions for us. The dark veil was lifting ever so slowly.
“And even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.”
Aeschylus, poet
One morning, several years later, I quite unexpectedly met with my high school sweetheart, Andy. While I had loved Dave for most of my life, he was not my first love. That was Andy. We had parted ways 30 years earlier (there is that number again) and reunited at a time when we both wanted desperately to live a contented and happy life again. We dated and rekindled a love that we both thought had been lost forever.
Love is treasured, whether it be first, last, lost or forever.
Andy and I were both reeling from a number of difficulties in our lives, and it was in holding each other that we found solace, hope, and a desire to be redeemed in love. Our renewed love eased the burdens of our losses. We married the following year, moved my family to my home state of Maryland, and did our best to raise our children despite the scars left on all our hearts.
It wasn’t always easy, but as I have learned, God never promised it would be easy. None of it was perfect. God didn’t promise that either. Very little went as I had planned. But with every labored breath, every tear, and every rainfall along the way, I understood that God was there, directing my steps and showing His love for me, my children, my new husband, his children, and our merged and broken families.
Today, Andy and I have been married for seven years. Our marriage relationship and our love are much different than I’ve previously experienced, but also wonderful. He is the man that has taught me how deep and wide love can be. We have learned that love lasts forever and has an unending capacity in our hearts.
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He is with us for our special days, even when we cannot see him in the photos
Love doesn’t end after a loss. It remains, and the more we live, learn and love, we gain an ever-growing capacity to give and receive more love – because it is our teacher, our life’s gift, and God’s greatest desire for us – to love others.
Our shared six children are now all adults, building careers and finding partners to love, and yes, they too, are making plans. We are expecting our first grandchild this spring and we are traveling quite a lot – living a life that is largely unrecognizable from that which I had planned for 30 years ago. And yet, at its core, it is a lot of what I wanted all along – a life filled with love.
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The Zanis kiddos
The Schmidt kiddos
The bonus daughter and son-in-love.
Merging families…finding new ways to love.
Our ever evolving and growing family…
I will always remain a huge planner. HUGE. But now I am better at letting God direct my steps. I accept with gratitude, all that has happened over these last 30 years, for with it comes understanding and acceptance. The years have been filled with twice as much love as I might otherwise have known. God’s blessings have brought me two husbands to love for eternity, twice as many children as I might have otherwise loved, and more experiences than I would have ever imagined, had my life gone only as I had planned.
So today I celebrate and recognize the overflowing love that spans these last 30 years as a great gift. If it is God’s will, I wish for the next 30 years to be equally blessed. This life of mine has not gone quite as planned, but someday, when I might be granted eternal rest in God’s embrace, I will simply say “Thank you so much for a life richly-filled with so much love.”
~~~
“And suddenly you know: It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.” Meister Eckhart [Johannes Eckhart] THEOLOGIAN, MYSTIC
Dear heavenly Father, please continue to bless us, just as you always have, through the challenges and the successes. Watch over my loved ones here on earth and keep our hearts close to loved ones that are no longer here with us. Continue to guide our steps, and allow our plans to be in step with yours all along the way until your desires for us are fully realized, and we are able to spend eternal peace by Your side.
Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end. ~Author Unknown
“So many believe that it is love that grows, but it is the knowing that grows and love simply expands to contain it.”
